Presence is about connection, focused attention, and ease.  When we are truly present, we have genuine, authentic moments with our children, giving them our full attention.  Years ago I attended a parenting class and one of the gems of the class was this concept of GEMS with our children, which referred to Genuine Encounter Moments.  These are the moments when you are willling to drop into your child’s world and really be there with them.  And these moments often come at the most inconvenient time for us parents!

For example, say you find yourself busy with important work on the computer and your young child runs into the house pulling at you to come outside and see some cool bug, or a rainbow or the like.  You have no desire to be interrupted let alone get up and leave what you are doing, so you say something like “no, not right now, please don’t bother me”.  Or maybe you are willing, mostly so that your child will leave you alone, and so you go outside, take a quick look, and just say ” oh yah very nice” and walk back inside. But there is a third option and that is the option to have a GEM with your child where you really drop in to the experience with your child and have a Genuine Encounter Moment.  This is where you let your child share their world of discovery with you and you let yourself really drop everything else for the moment. You let yourself be reminded of all of the cool little things in life that you’ve forgotten even exist.

GEMS also work when your teenager is sharing something more personal or more revealing than usual.  Maybe they are struggling with something and they venture to say a sentence or two about their inner feelings.  This is another prime moment for a GEM with your teen.  Listen up mom and realize that this is the time to drop everything and listen to what your child is sharing, be present in a way that you can ask the right questions or encourage more sharing from him or her.  Sometimes these moments come right before bed when you’re tired and you are just about to turn around a walk away.  Catching moments with our children and turning them into Genuine Encounter Moments, GEMs, goes a long way in our relationships with our children.

During a GEM both parent and child feel a sense of connection and caring with each other, and the child feels seen and nourished, happy that you shared their excitement or took the time to really understand what they are going through.  GEMs are very powerful ways to practice presence with your children, and they remind parents to stop and “smell the roses” so to speak and find joy, and meaning, in the little events of everyday life. 

I really encourage you find an opportunity to have a GEM with your child in the next 24 hours.  I would imagine you could find several, but even one will be a good start!