Over the years I have read all of these books and several others. Sometimes I would be working on a book for weeks because I only had time to read a few pages at a time. But I gained insights, course-corrected and became a better parent, even if only one or two ideas from an entire book stuck with me! I hope these books support you and your family in the months and years to come.
Wonderful Ways to Be a Family
by Judy Ford
Great little 2-page vignettes on various aspects of family life. Very easy to pick up and open to any page in the book. Some of the topics include: Provide a Safe Haven; Commit Yourself Completely; Allow for Upset; Be Willing to Be Wrong; Be Lighthearted; Make Work and Chores Meaningful; Pull Together in Tough Times and many more. (You can find used copies of this book on alibris.com for about $1.50)
Hold On To Your Kids Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers
by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate
This book takes a very good look at how our culture promotes a peer orientation in our children, rather than a parent orientation, from their early days in day care situations through the teen years of engagement in constant social media with peers. The book discusses attachment theory and how children’s attachment to their parents, or lack thereof is directly related to how much they respect and value their parents role in their life. It is not about holding on to our kids in the sense of not letting then grow up, sheltering them, or keeping them tied to our apron strings. It does explain how the early years of a child’s life are crucial to him/her attaching to those who offer consistent love and guidance and the importance of that attachment for the parent/child relationship in the ensuing years. It explains how much the lack of respect among children today toward their parents, or the disregard of parents, withdrawn behaviors and serious disconnect between parents and children in our society today is largely due to the peer orientation our children grow up with, an orientation we have come to accept as “normal” when in fact it is having serious effects on family life today. (You can find used copies of this book on alibris.com for about $2.50)
Raise an Emotionally Healthy Boy Save Your Son from the Violent Boy Culture
by Ted Zeff, Ph.D.
This book is a great support for raising emotionally expressive and compassionate boys. Emotional health in boys is a key influence on areas such as self-confidence, respect, good sportsmanship, high self-esteem and boys’ ability to express empathy and caring for others. For those who already focus on raising emotionally healthy boys this book is filled with good reminders, and for parents who feel they need help in this area this book is an easy read with many specific tools and practices to try with your sons. (You can find used copies of this book on alibris.com for about $9)
100 Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Teach Values
by Diana Loomans with Julia Loomans
This is a great book because it is not only full of information but it has very specific helpful suggestions of things to do and ways to implement what is discussed. For example in the chapter on Silent and Powerful Messages, there are specific sentences for messages that a parent can either say out loud or hold silently toward their child. For example, for the infant some ideas are “You are a miraculous gift”, “I enjoy taking care of you, nurturing you and holding you”. For the toddler it could be “I like all of your energy”, “All of your feelings are important to me”. But these are just a crumb of the many aspects of self-esteem that are covered, including Esteem Each Day, Learning Esteem, Playful Esteem, Letting Off Esteem, Global Esteem and more. Each chapter in this book provides very hands on ideas, exercises and things parents can do with their children in each of the topic areas. (You can find used copies of this book on alibris.com for about $1.50)
Teach Your Children Well A Parent’s Guide to Encouraging Character and Integrity
by Madelyn Swift & Victoria Mathies
Chapters in this book include topics such as what is most important, when should parents rebel against culture, what is good character, what are some of the misconceptions we live by, developing a moral compass, and much more. In each chapter there are good examples by parents of situations with their children that offer insights, as well as great “chapter checkpoints” at the end of each chapter that provide short take-aways that are easy to refer to at a glance. This author also has several other books with the same title but different subtitles. (You can find used copies of this book on alibris.com for about $1)
Bring Out the Best in Your Child and Your Self Creating a Family Based on Mutual Respect
by Ilene Val-Essen, Ph.D.
This book is also great! It’s more in depth about the inner dynamics of relationships and family systems, but it’s NOT an intellectual read. The author has been a therapist for many years so there are a lot of case studies of issues parents have that she uses to illustrate points and explain her ideas. Some of the richer topics include the five relationship issues, working effectively with our sub-personalities, effective problem solving, the art of listening, and creating the family you want, again plus many more. She also uses fun drawings to elaborate on topics, and includes exercises for parents to do for themselves and with their children. (You can find used copies of this book on alibris.com starting at $4.75).
What Your SON Isn’t Telling You Unlocking the Secret World of Teen Boys
by Michael Ross & Susie Shellenberger
Another very good book for parents with teen sons! This book is written by a Christian minister who shares many of the issues teen boys in his congration would bring to him for his help and guidance. The book brings in the Christian perspective and includes the role of faith in dealing with the struggles that teen boys go through, but is a good read for those who are not Christian as well. The reader discovers that teen boys in both Christian and non-Christian homes alike struggle with issues of sexuality, pornography, self-esteem, anger, depression, violence, and the difficulty of unmasking their true selves. This book not only provides a path for parents who may be feeling overwhelmed with the task of parenting their teen son, but it offers a very accurate window into the secret lives of teen boys and how we can help them with their inner struggles, including the specific gifts that sons need from their mother, and those they need from their father. (You can find used copies of this book on alibris.com for about $1)
Saving Our Sons A New Path for Raising Healthy and Resilient Boys
by Michael Gurian
Michael Gurian has written several books on boys and raising boys. He is an amazing and dedicated guide for parents and this book is another insightful must read. Chapter titles include: Protecting Our Sons- Ending Three Dangerouss Attacks on Boyhood; Male Nurturance- Supporting and Building Male Emotional Intelligence; The Digital Boy- Ensuring Seven Milestones of Male Development in the Digital Age; The Science of Maturity- Ending the Male Motivation and Maturity Gap; and Saving Both Our Sons and Daughters- Toward a New Gender Equity Paradigm. He also has several other great books that you can find on this website. I highly recommend this author! (You can find used copies of many of his books on alibris.com starting at $1).
The Invisible Presence How a Man’s Relationship With His Mother Affects All His Relationships With Women
by Michael Gurian
Okay, so if you have a 6 or 7 year old son, maybe this book is a bit premature, or maybe not. I read this book when my son was 16 and it not only spoke to me about my relationship with him, it illuminated some things about my husband. I found many of the case studies of the men in the book, and their description of their relationship with their mother, to be an incredible window into the “Invisible Presence” in men’s lives! Wow! If you like finding out what makes other people tick, particularly men, and would like some input about how you may be influencing your son, or about the dynamic between your husband and his mother, this book is for you. I totally enjoyed it and probably will re-read it again soon!(You can find a used copy of this book on alibris.com starting at $1.50).
I will be adding more books focused on technology, the influence of screens and devices on our children and raising children in the digital age. This is a whole other area of parenting that is truly up for our generation of families!
“Becoming a fully conscious parent is the greatest gift you can give your child”
Eckhart Tolle